May 8, 2009

  • Big Days


    The past few days have left me with a bit of ”overwhelmed” feelings… In some big, happy ways, and in some more sad ways.

    [Pictures are from Fishing with Daddy... Ben's idea last night after supper! It was such a gorgeous evening, the bugs weren't bad at all, which is a rare thing! I was feeling so exhausted last night, so I just sat in a camp chair and took pictures. :) ]



    Good overwhelming things first… :)

    … The love I feel from my family – mine and Ben’s! I think especially of my mother-in-law, who, the past few weeks while I have weekly midwife appointments an hour and a half away, has been so gracious to watch Zoe’ for me. She is always so cheerful and willing if my appointments are on an open day for her, and it means that most of her day is given to watching my child! Thank you so much, Mama Yoder! Zoe’ is always so excited when I tell her she’s going to Grandma’s house for the day!

    … The love that I feel from my friends. In so many different ways, all unique to the person itself. Some of them calling to see how the last few days of pregnancy are going, some offering to help on a busy yard sale weekend and watching Zoe’ so I wouldn’t have to run after her and be in charge of setup, some willingly keeping Zoe’ for the day while I ran to various appointments, and then calling me and telling me to go straight home without picking Zoe’ up at the end of the day – that I’m just to go home and take a nap! WOW, I have felt so loved and cared for by all these dear people!! I told Ben the other night that I almost don’t know how to receive all this care! It feels so big! A huge, huge thank you to everyone!

    [this was Zoe's first fishing trip, just down the road from our house at the neighbor's pond. She was as fascinated as could be!]


    there is a little fish in this picture! :)


    running to show mommy! she was just delighted to have the fish in her “Patty! Patty!” and to give it “eye-yay!” i think she would literally pick up any kind of critter. i don’t want her to be wimpy, but even this mommy shudders a bit when zoe’ runs and tells me she was holding a frog in her hand and was petting him!! and she’s thrilled to pieces!


    Some of the things that feel big in a harder way…

    … My little Baby still unborn still has not settled in a birthing position. I still have 4 days to my due date, so I’m trying not to worry, but I do know that this Little One spinning in circles so close to the time of being born is not a good thing. He/she had been head-down for a little while, but the past almost 3 weeks has been turning in a different position every day – mostly breech. My midwives have told me that only 3% of all babies actually end up staying breech until labor begins, so I’m just hoping I’m not one of the 3%! If I am though, I will have no other option but a C-section. And while I do believe there is a place for C-sections, and that they have saved many a baby and mother, that is not what I want just because my baby is breech!
       This is something I didn’t have to worry about at all with Zoe. She was head-down for months and had dropped at least a month before she was due.
       I have been wanting a water birth so much for this baby and me… That is one of the main reasons we have been driving 1.5 hours one way to the only birthing center in all of Georgia, because they offer that option and I know of no hospitals that do. I know that a C-section is not the worst thing that can happen – there are far, far worse things, and I will be grateful just for a baby that enters the world healthy and alive! But that is one thing that I have had to continually go to the Lord about, committing to trust Him no matter what happens with the birth of this child, choosing to trust Him because I cannot control anything! I have done all I know to do to turn the baby – ridiculously-embarassing exercises (!!), walking as vigorously as a full-term pregnant woman can, the chiropractor who specializes in the Webster Technique… All this leaves me to realize: I am not in control – there is Someone else who is, and I must leave my cares and worrying in His hands!


    after fishing for a bit, we went riding in daddy’s big truck - one of the loves of her life! just down a few dirt roads within a few miles of our house, so zoe’ was allowed to ride on daddy’s lap. :)



    … Been a little homesick recently. The bouts with homesickness have gotten better, but when I hear of my mom and sisters going to mother/daughter banquets and I’m not able to be there… well, that makes me cry. :) We haven’t been home since Christmas, so that’s probably why I feel a little sad. I’ve never gone that long before!

    … Just my own humanity and weaknesses. Knowing I am far from perfect, and as a result do hurt other people sometimes, even though I don’t want or even mean to! I can get so frustrated with myself…
       God has really met me here though, and although I feel so unworthy, He tells me I am His child – imperfect, with faults and weaknesses, bad days, and all. And He loves me. Not because I am perfect. Because I know so well I am not! And He tells me He doesn’t require perfect, only persistence. He loves me because I belong to Him, because I am His child.
       I can relate with that because I know what it’s like with my daughter. I love her not because she is the most beautiful child (although I think she is!) or because she is perfect (that she is not!) or because she makes me look good all the time (peeing on the floor when we are guests somewhere, and then her little friend slipping and falling into it! So embarassing! Anyone relate??) But I love her fiercely and forever, no matter what she does. She is mine. That’s why.
       My heart is so humbled by the realization that God my Father loves me the same way, and even more than I could love Zoe’. There is no reason He should, but He does. As unworthy as I feel to receive that love, I want to live in that reality, in that freedom…


    So today, I ate a fruit juice “popsy” [popsicle] with my precious daughter, who teaches me in all her innocence. Teaches me what it means to be a precious and beloved Child!

    These are big days, but they are good days. Days of learning, days of growing…



Comments (17)

  • Love your header picture, I’ve got to figure out how to do that. I know exactly how you feel with baby in the wrong position. My twins refused to cooperate, and my story ended in a c-section. No it wasn’t fun and I have mourned the loss of that birthing experience, but at least my babies and I are safe. So I’ll pray that Jesus turns that baby and holds them down :) Hope the delivery is your dream come true. Blessings, Jess

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  • aw. i hope the baby cooperates. Know the feeling of giving up ones birthing plans/ideals to that of a c-section. Abbi was positioned all wrong and did not turn and got stuck. Thing was she was in that position for several months and they never seemed that concerned about it. Anyway. She’s here. and that’s what matters. You do not need to hear any more bad positioning examples at this point, I’m sure. Best wishes these next few days!

  • praying for you!!!!! hope to hear some happy news soon.

  • Big days indeed, Clarita! First of all, the fishing with daddy pics are adorable, and what a fun family evening! Know all too well what you mean when you describe feeling sad as your mom and sisters go to banquets and such; one of the most difficult things about living far from family for me is when they are all together and I know the extraordinary fun they are having…many times I shed big tears on those occasions. But, I’d not trade where I’m at in life for anything….

    And, your baby!! I will be praying for the little one to turn and stay that way!! That is really tough; knowing what would ‘seem’ to be best, but having to trust that God knows better than we do, is sometimes so very stretching, and hard. May these last days be days of knowing His peace in ways you never did before….


  • Praying for you during these last days of pregnacy– they were so challenging for me! A few days from now you will have your darling baby and be ever so happy!  It is worth it whatever we have to go though!  I can relate to your story.  I went to a chiropractor for the webster technique too.  It always worked and he would turn, but within a few days, turn breech again. He did position correctly before birth, but I ended up with a section b/c he was two weeks late and weighed 11.4 Although not my first choice, my sections were not nearly as bad as what I thought they might be. One benefit of the slightly longer recovery time is more reason to stay still and gaze into the face of your newborn!!! Gotta love that one!!  I usually get up and moving too quickly, so it is great for me!

    Although I so rarely comment, I follow your blog and love to read it!

  • Aww . . . I love your fishing pictures and all the rest too. Sounds like God is sending people to “lift up your arms” in this most physically tiring time, so I am GLAD as some of us who would love to be of help also cry big tears ’cause we can’t be near you [as in TUESDAY of this week-grins]!! Can’t wait to hear baby news very soon–or at least in two weeks or so! Aren’t you glad that I’m not due 2 weeks after you again so that I can go early and still have my baby before you?? =) Seems so crazy that we were living in all of THAT suspense a little less than 2 years ago!

    I am praying for you and can’t wait to see you again.

  • what a beautiful post!! Zoe looks so thrilled :) I’m glad they’re taking good care of you down in the south there!! praying for you! hugs

  • Clarita – been thinking about you the last couple days, knowing your due date is very soon! Hope everything goes exactly the way you would like it to!!

    Love you


  • I don’t have any experience to share, but only feel sympathy for you. We as women vary in what we expect and want for our births, yet, the whole event is so huge and important…it would be so nice if it could be one of those things we could order to go a certain way. I do really, really hope that your baby will turn and you can have the birth experience you’re hoping for.

  • Such neat pictures!  I especially love the one where they are driving….looks so carefree…!

    It’s been about 10 months ago that I was where you are now…waiting….not knowing…lots of questions!  My babe wasn’t breech, but there were other big questions and fears about the birth.  Then we ended up with a c-section.  You know, I was also soooo not wanting to go that route too!  But, when it actually came down to it, it really wasn’t as bad as I thought it might be.  I’m not talking about pain, but the whole “giving up” the natural birth.  Even the recovery wasn’t as bad as I thought!!  Seriously.   So, if it comes to that for you…God will see you through, and it will be okay.  But, in the meantime, I will pray that your little “treasure” will decided to get in position!  Keep looking up!

  • love the pics!! hoping everything goes well for you and that baby will turn!!

  • clarita, you really do have such a beautiful heart…and i meant to tell yesterday that i will pray for you these next couple of days/ week as you await that precious treasure.  luv you!

  • I’ve been thinking about you and wondering how its going down there and if there is any news yet.  I’ll pray this little miracle moves/changes to the position that it needs to for you too.

    I appreciated your honesty in this post. The feelings of good and sad times. We all have them….  last week was a bummer of one for me and then it was Mothers day and I just was not worthy to be called a Mother and all the things that go with it, etc…. but I’m so grateful that God gives us the strength, grace, & energy to be the best mommy’s we can be.  And when we blow it, He’s ready to forgive and help us pick up again! So praying that you have some extra special times as a mommy to Zoe especially the next few days!  

  • Day two. What are you gonna do today?? =) Any more food that you can possibly make and stuff in the freezer or scrapbooking or maybe just sit on the couch and enjoy one more day with ONE little person on your lap?? =) Would love to help you pass the time by going out for lunch together or something!

    I stopped at Whole Latte Beans for the first time yesterday [had a gift card] on my way home from buying a birthday gift for Phil, and thot D and I would just enjoy lunch away from home even if we were all by our lonesomes. I didn’t need all the extra calories, but that big, juicy reuben sandwich sure was good. D ate the pickle, most of the chips, and a little bit of the sandwich too, so that was a couple hundred calories less, I guess. =) I was going to buy a frappe after my lunch, but felt too stuffed and so decided to “spread the joy” by coming back for that another day.

    I’ll keep checking up on you one way or another! Oh yeah, Phil said last night that if you go 11 days overdue again, then your baby can share his birthday (23rd). And I say if that happens then you’d have any naming-the-baby complications taken care of ’cause you’d know that you should name it after HIM in some way, shape, or form. -hee hee

  • so, so cute! it reminds me of our family’s little memorial day fishing trips, waaaay back when the fish were almost as tall as we were. i love the one of zoe running towards the camera, fish in hand, with her proud father thinking: “now that’s my little outdoor-loving, animal-holding, mommy-scaring daughter after my own heart.” but her latest five-meal-a-day eating binge – now that’s a niece after my own heart. *grins* as for the truck-riding blur — fabulous capture: FRAME IT. time and those little blonde curls pass too quickly. i miss you and i’m thinking of you oh so much with these last few days of pregnancy! oh, and check your e-mail. :]

  • Wow, your definatly going through alot. Thanks so much for sharing, it was so encouraging. It all sounds kind of scary, i just wanted to say i’m praying for you and hope that your water delivery works out after all. :)

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