September 4, 2012
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Indian Squaw vs. Hipster Mama
Disclaimer: this may or may not be the true account of a husband and wife who love each other more than life, and yet sometimes still find themselves trying to learn the language that each other speaks.
It was a rainy, blustery day. We’re getting the effects of Hurricane Isaac, and boy, is it ever dumping.
Because of that, it was a day that me and the kiddos all stayed at home. We slept in (all the rain that we’ve been having calls for that), got dressed, Zoe did school work, I did house work and laundry, we took naps, and enjoyed one another’s company in a relaxed sort of way.Later in the afternoon though, I decided to put a bit more time into my appearance. Husband was coming home soon, and I wanted him to be glad to be coming home to ME. J
My hair was a bit out of control – to be in control it has to be washed with only conditioner that very day – and to top it off it was high humidity because of the inches of rain we’ve been getting which results in frizz! But let’s do a deep side part, and hmm, a side braid worked well. Yes, let’s see, and add a headband with flowers. Yes, that’s it. Change skirt, brush teeth, ready for Husband. Very simple and fresh.
I was busy preparing dinner when he walked in the door. I greeted him the customary smile and hug (kissing waits until after he brushes teeth too ). I didn’t expect a comment on the hair or outfit – neither was really out of the ordinary, and he’s not a man given to many compliments.
“Oh wow, an Indian!” he pointed out, after the hug. “Your hair looks like an Indian.”
“An Indian?!” I sputtered. “Um, that’s not exactly the look I was going for.” (Thinking to myself, um, more like hipster mama, if I reaaaaally stretched my imagination, and if Mennos can be hipster. But a squaw!! Either I was not pulling the look off that I was hoping for, or else he was oblivious to the cool look I was portraying.)
Guess that whole hipster idea is out for me, I thought to myself.
[a recap the next morning, same hair and outfit, with "feathers" on the last picture.
thanks to zoe's photography]It dropped at that for the rest of the evening. I’m not one to take things very personally, unless it’s meant to be taken personally, and he most definitely didn’t mean it that way. He just says things how they are, and that’s that. No use getting offended about it. We spent a happy evening as a family, eating brownies and ice cream, Ben playing “I Spy” with the kids. We just had a NUTS busy schedule lately, and it was absolutely wonderful to all be at home for an evening for no agenda except each other. I forgot all about the Indian comment.
Later, as we were getting ready for bed, Husband said, “Hey, I liked your hair like that tonight.”
I gave him my “Yeah RIGHT” look and rolled my eyes, thinking he was kidding me.
“No, I’m serious. I thought it was cute.” he insisted.
I raised my eyebrows at him. “WELL. This is the 21st century, and telling someone she looks like a squaw isn’t exactly a compliment,” I informed him.
“So you really thought I didn’t like it?” he asked.
“Of course! I thought you thought it looked dumb.” I answered.
He then wondered aloud what else he’s been telling me that isn’t exactly a compliment to me, and said he might have to take a course in communication.
“Not communication,” I replied. “Just compliments.” I got the giggles. He laughed again.
( I love that we’re honest about stuff, even little stuff. When we first got married things like this would’ve bugged me for days, but I wouldn’t have had the guts to just be honest and laugh about it besides. It would have put me in knots for days wishing I could just learn how to say what I thought, and then become a much bigger deal than it really was. Being married longer has wonderful improvements. J )
“Okay,” said Husband. “Give me some pointers.”
Oh wow, really? I should have been making a mental list for this Monumental Occasion.
“Compliments 101,” I began. “No. Indian. Comments.”
“Okay,” he chuckled. “Got that one.”
“And 102, please find other words than ‘cute’ and ‘pretty’. When you use those words it sounds like I’m definitely NOT beautiful or gorgeous or anything of that sort, but you have to find a way to say soooomething nice so you say, ‘pretty’ or ‘cute.’ I don’t like it.”
“Oh noooo,” groaned Husband. “Those are the two words I use the most!”
“Exactly,” said I. “That’s why they’re out.”
And we had another fit of laughter.
Today he sends me a text…………….
“…You’re still the love of my life. And you’re beautiful, not pretty.”
Hmmmm, that’s more like it, Husband. J
Signed, the Indian Squaw
Comments (31)
So I’ve been reading your blog for a while and I just never comment.
Finally decided….why not comment. I always enjoy reading ur blog and I love ur style and I think ur cute and I always hope I can be a smidgen of that after I hAve had several babies. Anyway, kind of wish I knew you in person. I blog over @ http://www.urbanstarlings.blogspot.com. Have a blessed day!
Btw….my xanga is ancient and I never use it but apparently I had to log in to comment.
Communication is an interesting topic, especially between a husband and wife. I think you are beautiful, and I like your hair that way. Nice that your husband is willing to take advice from you.
I agree~ you’re beautiful, not pretty! My husband does the same thing to me. “Cute” is his compliment of choice!
Still pregnant and anxiously awaiting something to happen! Every time I touch my abdomen, Lydia (my second oldest) asks “is it a good one?!” Hopefully I will be posting soon that she is here!
You are too funny
That outfit of yours is very “cute” hehe…let me say chic instead. Husband and wife communication can seem like talking two different languages – neither understanding the other, but sounds like you two have developed skills that are working – helps to be comfortable in your own skin though too – something I’m still working on 
I’m praying to be able to find humor in every situation – laughter does so much to break the ice, to defuse tension.
ha! that’s such a cute, funny story. i love it! i’m not sure how i’d take an “indian” compliment, but i don’t really care how he compliments me as long as he’s complimenting me! although he does say beautiful more than cute or pretty, I guess
I love hearing little stories like this about other couples. Because it is quite normal. And yeah, sometimes when husbands are trying to give compliments, it sounds slightly different to the wife’s ears. I love that you can be honest AND can laugh about it too!
“He talks with his blue megaphone, and she hears with her pink hearing aids.”{from the authors of Love & Respect} Things get lost or twisted in translation sometimes!! More than ever, I realize all of this is true. Yes, working at understanding it does help as each year of marriage rolls by . . .
But obviously, as your f.u.n.n.y. store points out, even seven years doesn’t take care of it all. 
{I think cute and pretty must be a lot of guys’ favorite words . . . but like you, I MUCH prefer beautiful or gorgeous.} Ha ha! Love you guys!! We need to hang out more. 
Hilarious!! Way to have ‘the talk’ about whats acceptable. You mustve had one other one too if you dont kiss til hes brushed his teeth too.;) that cracked me up n made me feel more ‘normal’ all at the same time.;) and i must say; i wish i looked so good when my hairs a mess. You did inspire me to try n start putting effort into my appearance at the end of the workday. Have a great weekend friend!!
Too funny! Love how you did your hair…totally not “squaw-like”
Bless you for actively working on your communication skills!
Oh. My. Word. I love this! I’m definitely voting “hipster mama” though. I’m impressed how you turned it into something fun. Just Checking, Do you enroll outsiders in your classes?? I think there may be a market for that out there….not that I personally live with anyone who would benefit, of course! *cough*cough*
yeah… seven years… and still lots to learn about marriage here too! but it’s a ll good and SO worth it!!! i love, love, LOVE being married!
That’s so funny. I would think the indian squaw comment WAS a compliment . . . LOL
You guys are so cute. Well, I assume you’re so cute from your writing.
I totally get you though. Sometimes, men and women, we just aren’t speaking the same language! And no one even realizes it for awhile!
it’s funny what words don’t do it for us
Cute or pretty work fine for me, but if someone describes me as ‘sweet’. gag.
it’s kinda like when someone looked at my baby for the first time and exclaimed, “oh he’s gonna be so cute!!!”. um. like he’s not cute right now, but the potential is there???
This is so funny, just love it. Like several others have already said, “cute” must be a guy thing. All tho he has started using beautiful more lately. Have never worked up the nerve to tell him that “cute” really does not make me feel all that lovely:). You have been so good a good example for/to me. My thought always was, if Im going to be home working and nobody sees me it does not matter if i look frumpy. And you have changed that way of thinking for me and i know hubby likes it even tho he doesnt say much about it. Thank you for that wake up call. O and yes I do have “THOSE” days still, just not everyday. And by the way how ever its viewed, Indian squaw or hipster momma you are beautiful.
I had to laugh along with you here. My husband will occasionally call me “Squaw” to which I call him “Chief”. If you’ve ever seen Peter Pan it will make sense. ; )
He’s right. You really are beautiful.
lol. I don’t think you’re an Indian at all
You’re lovely!
We have this joke in my family similar to the ‘pretty’ thing. My dad for meals would say for quite awhile about all meals that it was “real good”. Eventually we told him it must not be that good if all meals are “real good”. So he tries to make it better and say they’re really good or he get’s extra points if he says something totally different
Enjoyed this post, clarita… makes me smile
I too can testify that the longer we’re married the easier things like this become! As a new bride,I used to get my feelings hurt or assume he was upset at me for something and it would drag out for days…it’s so much easier just to say what I’m thinking or feeling (with love,of course). I’ve learned that guys can be pretty blind.They don’t understand that telling a woman she is pretty doesn’t make her feel beautiful.And a peck on the cheek doesn’t make her feel wanted. And sometimes she needs to cry( for no reason at all,it has nothing to do with you!).And if she says she’s ok,she really means she wants a hug (but doesn’t want to say so because if you cared at all you would see that she needs a hug). I guess we ladies are complicated to live with 
Marriage is a beautiful dance of gave and take.
ahhh…so funny. great story. funny how we can interpret each other. the words…and/or the silence. and how they says things that no one meant to say. this post made me think of our own bumblings and efforts and good intentions and misunderstandings—some really funny. some really not.
@TrentTribe - i tried rec your comment because you said it perfectly.
but i couldn’t for some reason so i’m just telling you that here!
love this. so real. and NORMAL. and squaw or hipster.. you’re GORGEOUS as either one!!!
)
@fruitloops115 - your comment made me laugh.. “the potential’s there..” some people just talk before they think!
he IS and he’s GONNA be!!
)
so i was uh-huh-ing the whole way through this…. and the clincher? the line about making a mental list for this monumental occasion. LOVE IT. you are hilarious and i loved this.
the funny thing is… my husband told me the same thing one time early in our marriage about my hair style making me look like an indian and i have never forgotten it. thank goodness, if we encountered that one again today i would be in a much better place to share my thoughts for the monumental occasion.
thanks for sharing this story with us.
fun story, fun couple.
)
years on a marriage sure adds that extra spice where you can communicate openly without being all defensive.
and I agree, you are beautiful.
Ok…so the day you posted this, I came on here. You had two comments and I half wrote mine and then got interupted. Your post sat on my computer over night…next day Jeff cleared my history and turned it off. So I am FINALLY back to leave you my thoughts.
You are GORGEOUS! Clarita, you are so very pretty.
Funny story you shared here…love your thoughts on marriage too! You guys are so sweet together. Your little guy is getting so big. I STILL have NOT mailed your package!!! I am going to have to change what I send if I don’t send it soon!!!!! I keep saying this, but doing nothing about it….. and the box keeps moving around too…Jeff’s office, the living room, it’s currently (as of yesterday) on a chair in my hallway!
Hope you have a great weekend! =)
Too funny. His first remark/compliment sounded just like something my husband would say.
hehe. Fun post. This reminded me of a conversation we might had. Like you, stuff like this would have been a much bigger deal when we were first married. It’s so freeing to be able to laugh and talk honestly about little things that can get big when they’re stuffed.
PS. I like seeing the picture of you with a boy baby.
I always think of you with your girl-y girls, but a boy is perfect, too.
So, I JUST now saw this post and my first thought word was “adorable”, as in relation to how you look. You ARE beautiful AND pretty AND cute…. You are also BLESSED that your husband said as much as he did in a comlimentary way, telling you he liked your hair that way, etc. I always fix myself up. Yesterday, I fixed up even more for a tea party. Hubby told me “You look nice”. I really need much more than “You look nice”, but given that this was only his 2nd compliment to me this year, I gratefully accepted and had to mentally pick myself up off the floor and put my heart back into my chest. Being married longer than longer can mean that life goes a bit stale and you can starve and grasp at whatever crumbs are thrown at you once in a blue moon. We need to reignite the fire we had and the good thing is, we both see what we need to do. ( : P.S. My mother-in-law was half Choctaw indian and as a young lady, she was beautiful. When I saw a photo of her in that age, I realized what my father-in-law must have seen in her. Beautiful, feisty and big-hearted.