April 30, 2012

• The Waiting Game

   

  So. Day Six.
  Not before due date.
  After due date.

  I should be used to this by now.
  Third pregnancy.
  Third time being overdue.
  And it’s only Day Six.
  Not Day 11 or Day 8.

  But goodness, what a mind game!

  I think the strong contractions and having two days of being in bed three weeks pre-due date
  made me hope that perhaps this would be different.
  But it’s not so.

  “You’re a crock pot,” says Ben.
  One that only functions on warm, I add.
  There’s no “high” or “low” setting, much less the oven’s “broil” setting.
  Nope, it’s just warm.

  At least I know the most I will go is a week more.
  Two weeks over is the most that I’m allowed.
  Whew.

  Sooo, what does one do to pass the days,
  to try not to just live in survival mode,
  but to actually enjoy each day?

  Ann Voskamp style, there’s a list.

  For one,
  take one day at a time.
  Don’t look at the week I could still have the babe in incubation.

  //due date day: coffee with whip. it’s worth the splurge//

  

  // also due date day: pancakes with blueberry topping. also with whip.
  like i said, worth the splurge. //

  

   Two.
  Don’t get excited about contractions, unless they would continue over long periods of time.

  // due date day: helping Zoe with K-4 books, while making My Faire Lady orders.
  enjoying the chilly day, and the rare chance for a fire in the hearth in April //

  
  

  Three.
  Plan fun things. After  the due date. So that you’ll actually look forward to being overdue.

  // A Day at the Ocean! I wish I could do this daily… //

  i just love my little two-year old. how such a little person can have such a personality just trips me out.
  goodness, is she ever fun.

  and i love her little grammar misuses, and hope she doesn’t discover ‘he’ and ‘she’ for a long time.
  “Him left him book at our house!!” said with great drama and wide eyes, is quite a typical reaction to something quite small.

  and the way she runs with her elbows… it looks so funny, but oh so adorable.
  please stay two forever.

  and then i remember, this is also the child that picks scabs in bed and smears blood all over clean sheets…
  … that grabs a bowl from up on the counter and splatters milk all over the floor…
  … that doesn’t like to ask for help in the bathroom and then smears poo all over bed sheets…
  … that sends us on a roller-coaster of emotions, ranging from exasperation to adoration.

  umm. maybe you can grow up a liiiiiitle bit.

  
  

  and sweet zoe… still set on having her “jack” or “rose.”

   

  i asked a friend if she’d like to go with us, and was it ever a fun day!
  my kids had friends to play with, and I had a dear friend to talk to. ♥

  

  // to document that i indeed did go to the ocean.
  the day of the due date was cold and windy, so we went the day after.
  it was absolute perfection! //

  

  

  today I spontaneously planned a Picnic at the Park day with a few other moms from church.
  i’m ready for some lady friends, some out-of-the-house time,
  and conversations that consist of more than, “You’re STILL pregnant?!!?”

  Four.
  Thank God for the kindness and encouragement of friends…
  So many people have sent me messages and notes and phone calls,
  some people have made me baked food,
  a friend from out of state sent me money for take-out!!
  and seriously, it all feels like a hug straight from God.
  Thank you, thank you…

  // delicious blueberry muffins, made and dropped off by my sweet piano student,
  whose lesson I canceled because of being overdue and uncomfortable //

   

  Five.
  Continue with the Nesting.
  Not only will you have the cleanest house on the block, but it will also
  a] help pass the time
  b] help you not think about how desperately uncomfortable you are.

  // new slipcovers for the living room. bought with compliments of My Faire Lady.
  uglysofa is where I found them, Pottery Barn brand, in fact, for a price I could afford. //

  before & now
  not so very different, but just a little touch of brightness

   

  the neutral palate is a bit of a challenge. i think it takes more work to pull it together…
  still working on that one!

   fun little bike pillow found on clearance at Tar-jay…

  

  aqua shams found in my linen stash from when we used to have a guest room…
  folded over and pinned in the back, they now work as couch pillows.

   

   Six. 
  Remember the wise and beautiful words of a sweet friend:

  

  Sugar Words.
  How I need that reminder in these days when it’s so easy to be selfish,
  when discomfort is a part of every moment.
  This isn’t about me.
  This is about letting Jesus live in and through me, even now.
  Especially now.

  It’s really surprised me how this late-term pregnancy has brought out so much selfishness in me.
  The energy the kids have, the lack of energy I have, is a combination that is not easy.
  I find myself wanting them to behave just so I don’t have to deal with discipline,
  rather than taking the time to care for their dear little hearts.
  I see how much I care for self right now, rather than focusing outward…
  God and I are having lots of talks these days.

  I so look forward to feeling better though,
  to where a walk with the kids or a trip to the park doesn’t feel overwhelming.
  To where sitting on a sofa reading books to them doesn’t make me feel like I’ll suffocate from lack of oxygen.

  There is a reason for the discomfort, I do believe.
  The scariness of labor?
  Still there, but I’m so ready for the baby that I don’t care as much about pain levels anymore.

  // the wedding invitation of a dear sister. ♥
  and another invitation of a brother-in-law, a week after. and a lovely sister-in-law’s picture.//

  

  The last few days I’ve been thinking…
  with the anticipation of the baby, the expectancy, the waiting, the fervent preparation…

  What if the return of the Lord would be anticipated and prepared for this much?

  With this little baby coming there is so much thought and preparation.
  The whole house is being purged and cleaned from top to bottom.
  Not a single drawer or corner will be left untouched, given enough of time.
  There are eyes to see DIRT and DUST that never even bothered me before.
  To be honest, that I never even noticed before.
  Areas to clean that never crossed my mind before.
  An old toothbrush is my new best cleaning friend, and boy, do we ever go places together.
  That little crack that collects dirt and grime. It must go.

  Before I go to bed each night, the house must be in perfect order.
  All messes put away,
  all dishes stacked in the dishwasher or neatly back on shelves
  but certainly not on counters or in sink,
  everything neat and tidy.
  Just in case tonight would be the night.

  What if it would be like this on a soul level for me, for all Christians anticipating the return of our Lord?
  Such purging, such cleanliness of life and heart,
  no nagging sin left,
  a purity, a full concentration of things eternal, everything filtered by perpetual readiness -
  the Lord’s return may be at any moment, and I want to be ready.
  Just in case tonight would be the night.

  There are so many allegories to be drawn from this.
  It’s really been so challenging for my soul,
  and to take my focus off of the waiting at present and onto the eternal perspective on waiting.
  It’s just really hit me how the process of waiting on a child is really a bigger picture
  of the longing for the return of our dear Jesus…

  So today I pray for the Lord to prepare my heart for HIS return,
  even more than for the arrival of this much-anticipated child.
  Because if I am ready for Him, then everything else will be okay.
  I need Him to purge my heart from it’s selfishness and stubbornness,
  from the short temper with the girls, from the focus of self and discomfort these days…
  and I want to be refreshed and restored by HIM, by Jesus Himself.

  So, I’m not exactly feeling top-of-the-world today,
  but I want to find Jesus in this day,
  worship in the waiting.
  [tried to play this song on my site, but playlist didn't have it]

  It feels silly to even write about going overdue,
  because, my word, it’s not that big of a deal!!
  But the waiting is where I find myself, and I don’t want to just try to survive it.
  I want to thrive in it.
  Even as I write that I think, “Oh God, help me!”
  because it seems that in the smallest areas it’s easiest to justify selfishness.

  And I want to find room for gratefulness too.
  One older lady told me that back in the day she went THREE WEEKS late.
  Oh goodness, I’m so glad I’m not allowed to go that long!

  And in whatever wait you find yourself, may you find Jesus too…

  ♥
  ~clarita

   

   

  • 10:53 am
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