September 24, 2008

  • Professor Zoe’


    It’s been a big week.

    …finding out that some of my friends here in Jesup are moving away for sure, and another friend that may be moving soon after
    …finding out that my dad (as well as mom) have Lyme Disease, my dad so badly he’s hardly able to walk at times
    …being incredibly homesick for my family and friends
    … being youth leaders for the next year, along with Jeff & Andrea (this is something I’m excited about, although it’s a big responsibility)
    …an investment property we bought that’s brought on scary legal problems
    …Zoe is sick and grouchy because of teething
    ….along with other things that are weighty and aren’t appropriate for a public place

    I was feeling such a hunger for God. For him to just sit me on his lap, like I did as a little girl with my daddy. For me to know that I’m cared about and loved by him. Lately it seems like I’ve just known it in my head, but my heart doesn’t quite believe that he really does care. That I truly matter. That it’s going to be okay.

    I’ve been praying that God would show me that I am his beloved daughter. Not where I try to believe it. But where I just know in my heart of hearts. Even on the hard days when I am homesick and sad and have big things on my mind, to know that I am loved and cared for. By God.

    The other night I was laying in bed, almost sleeping, when I decided I would check on Zoe one last time. She’s such a wiggler in bed, and I wanted to make sure she was covered up. In the shadowy room I could just make out her sleeping form, and my heart was overwhelmed with love for her. She’s such a precious baby.  She has brought us an incredible amount of joy, and to think we were scared to death sometimes before she was born! She’s been teething and grouchy, but oh, how I love my daughter…

    As I was standing there over her crib, feeling so privileged to be her mommy, to thankful for this little treasure, it was as if God spoke the words to my heart, “I love you even more than you love Zoe.” I was overwhelmed. The utter love I was feeling for Zoe’ made his words even more meaningful, and that was what my heart has been longing to know. My heart, not my head. Wow. It was such a God-moment.

    It was that same night that Zoe, because of teething, woke me up every half hour of the night (no joke), and where I finally brought her to bed with me around 4am so I wouldn’t have to get up and down so many times. I laid her on my chest and she fell asleep, but she put her tiny little hand up on my cheek and kept it there, as if to say, “I just want to know that you are closeby.” I totally melted. And my heart echoed those words back to God…

    That same morning, around 6 this time, she threw up violently all over my bed, on the sheets, blankets, featherbed, everything. The first time ever. I had thought I would be grossed out over that (I was going to mention what all came out but I’ll refrain), but my first thought was for my baby, caring for her, making sure she was okay… I am finding that it is such an honor to care for my sick little baby. I hate it that she’s sick, but I love taking care of her. I remember when I was a girl at home, I used to like being sick because my mom would take such good care of me and make me feel so special…

    So I am not getting much done around the house, but I am enjoying these moments of a sweet blonde head laying on my shoulder, of reading books and looking at the horses…. of being taught about God from my little daughter.

    I thought I would be teaching my daughter about God. I was wrong. She is the one teaching me.

    Thank you, Jesus….


    Edit: I should clarify that after several more tests, my dad does not have Lyme Disease. The doctor had even put him on medication for it, thinking that’s what it must be. But after more testing, the doctors came to the conclusion that it must be an unusual case of arthritis… So, just wanted to clarify that.



Comments (22)

  • a very interesting post! I am learning to see God in the little things in life everywhere and I could just so relate to this post from beginning to end. thanks for sharing your heart. ~Lynette

  • I’m sorry to hear about your dad! I go to church with your parents and have seen you there a few times. My mom has chronic lymes disease and it’s hard to see her battle through it and not be able to do much to help. My prayers are with you and your family.

  • I have been thinking of you lots…and praying!  I wish I could somehow carry some of the load you’ve been shouldering!  How amazing that God knew just when you needed to FEEL His love the most, and how special that he chose to do it through Zoe’!  I am so glad that you get to home this weekend.  I hope you have an absolutely wonderful time with your family!  I’ll be real ready to have you come back though! (:  Love and hugs!

  • Thanks for sharing that touching incident in your life.  As I said last night, we have no idea what each other goes through but I pray strength for you as you face life’s challenges.  I’m so glad you have a chance to go home and reconnect with your family.  Enjoy yourself but hurry back!

  • i love you. and i can’t wait to see you in. one. day.
    *sigh* it’s going to be so good to have you home.

  • my heart goes out to you….I well understand some of the emotions and such that go on when you are far from family in their time of need. And, your little God moment with Zoe…just a beautiful thing. You said something on my post about wishing you could freeze time in some of those most intense and precious moments, and I can certainly echo that thought. But, what a Great God we serve, because if we stayed in the moment, we’d not learn the next lesson He has for us! It’s a wonderful thing to recognize the hand of God on our lives, especially in the midst of the tough stuff…..

    Blessings on your day~

  • funny– i just got puked on about a half hour too! so can soo relate.

    so sorry to hear about all the “stresses” in your life right now. for real– i breathed a prayer for you and your family. hope things look up for ya soon!

  • Clarita, I’m so sorry for all the hard things you are going through right now.  I’m also glad for that special confirmation from God.  You wrote this all so beautifully.

  • Thinking of you and hope your road trip to PA goes really well for you today. It must be the week for first time throw up, cause Brooklynn threw up all over the place for the first time last night. Poor little babies.

  • wow. hope your week is refreshing & just what you need for right now. I know what you’re saying when you said that she is the one teaching you about God!  very precious.

  • This post is a beautiful picture of reality- the joys and sorrows of life. I can so easily relate with your parenting moments, and your little moments of revelation from God. God is so awesome!! I hope your weekend with your family is really special.

  • How beautiful…I think it was Mike Mason that wrote something about how we tend to teach our children all our bad traits and we learn none of the good things they could teach us…it sounds like you are letting God teach you through Zoe. Beautiful.

  • What a beautiful post.I’m crying while writing this. God takes our pain and turns it into something of beauty.What an awesome Father we have. And how special that He uses our precious children to teach us. Remembering you and yours in prayer today.Blessings.

  • I am so sorry for your week, and the news of your family and friends.. My heart and prayers are with you.I know how you are feeling I have been ther many times over the past three years.  Relief does come and God is there, as I will be stating on my site soon.  I have learned many a thing through my childrens eyes over the years.

  • So beautiful this…it made me cry.  I’ve been going through similar trials and triumphs.  It’s so incredible God’s love shown to us through so many things.  Yes, Jenson has taught me so much about life and love and God.   Hope you continue to feel the presence of Jesus throughout your days and hope Zoe feels better soon!

  • my happiness meter just went up a little cuz I know two of my favorite people are in the car right now heading to see me….ok…not to see me :) …..but at least they’ll be around…..

  • Look forward to seeing you tonight, it will be lovely to catch up a little.

  • yes, THAT particular book IS very interesting. however, that was not the book i had in mind when i was writing the post. has to do with the same stuff, just in a rather different way.

    yes i am subscribed to FLY lady, not that i always get the stuff done. but it still kinda helps.

  • hey . . . i keep on hoping for a new post here, but since I didn’t comment on this one, what can I expect, right? =) we are having a great time and we originally planned to leave tomorrow morning, but with the option of changing our tickets to Friday if the guys decide to stay out an extra day or so. So far we haven’t heard from them and I’d like to know if I should pack up or settle in for a couple more days. hopefully they’ll let us know soon.

    and about this post, well, i was blessed by it and would love to spend more time talking with you . . . maybe soon.

  • oh, and the purse?! MSP indeed! =) I found it in a store out here at a pretty good sale price. I was so happy with that purchase and have felt quite stylish with it on my shoulder. =) thanks for noticing. hee hee.

  • :) hey that’s awesome … thanks for the notes … wish we would have been here when you guys were up here!! sniff sniff…and hope everything’s going okay. love ya!

  • Just letting you know, I have for the last 4 weeks had problems with walking as well. Lots of pain in my feet and hands, almost in all my joints. I am going to a doc. In Kutztown, PA. He thougth it may be lymes as well. I still have a few test that need to come back. But he says it’s a yeast imbalance in your body, they call it Candida. He may want to get checked for that. If he needs info of where i go to doc. he can go online and check it out, Maulfair Medical center. This week finally I can do my house work, and make our meals.

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