May 15, 2008
I know it’s several days past Mother’s Day, and I’ve been wanting to write about some of my thoughts about that, but I’ve had other priorities besides xanga this week… I’ve been thinking a lot about women, their role down throughout history, my role right at this time of my life…
I feel so fulfilled as a mother, perhaps the most fulfilled I’ve ever felt in my life. And there have been plenty of other adventurous things I’ve experienced that were very fulfilling for me. Somehow this little 20-pound person has waltzed into my heart and stolen every part of it. Her dancing blue eyes, sweet sunny smiles, throaty giggles, and just the complete dependence she has on us has made me fall in love. Hopelessly in love. A mother’s love has got to be one of the strongest forces on earth…
I understand my own mother so much more… Have so much more respect for her position, for who she is, for the unending hours of service and love she gave me. I recoil at the thought of any memory of disrespect or dishonor I ever showed toward her. In my heart and mind she now deserves nothing but the highest praises!
I am a mother of but one child, but so often my heart has swelled with a love for this child until it became an ache that actually hurt! This glorious miracle, this baby, is mine to hold gently and rock tenderly, to kiss away her tears, and sing lullabyes.
This is my baby…To show her all sorts of new, beautiful things she’s never seen before:
…a rain storm, and let her feel the raindrops
… sand at the beach
… dirt between her toes in the garden
… flowers in the spring
… feel the wind in her face
… teach her to sway to the rhythmn of music
…read books to her and teach her different animals and their sounds (the rooster is her favorite and she’ll do her best to try to crow)
…tasting an ice cream cone
… letting strawberry juices flow down her chin
… sing songs of Jesus and introduce her to this Friend of mine
…tell her about this Jesus and how He loves her
… the list is endless!
What a sacred privilege and responsibility! One I hold very sacred. Some are not given this lot in life, and they are given other sacred privileges and responsibilities. But to me this lot has been given. And I receive it with open hearts and a lump in my throat. Because when I stop, I realize what an amazing task I have been given – not only to kiss chubby cheeks and feed a hungry child, but to have the character of my God in my own life so that I may show her who this Jesus is like – it brings me to my knees with tears in my eyes. For this task is not just to have them grow up to be cute kids or well-behaved children, but to be men and women for God who will be Knights and Warriors and Fair Maidens in His kingdom (I’m a hopeless romantic, I love analogies like that). People who will make a difference for Truth and Righteousness in the world they live in.
I thank the Lord for changing my heart, for showing me more and more what He thinks of this thing called Motherhood. For I didn’t always look at it as a privilege. I used to be more career-minded, one who wanted/expected to be single until my 30′s, so I could fulfill my dreams of what I wanted to do. To settle down and be a little housewife early in my 20′s definitely wasn’t on my agenda.In fact, it looked pretty boring. I could’ve shown you my 5-year goal plan when I was 21 to prove it. Marriage and family wasn’t on there. Not that I didn’t ever want it, I did certainly hope for it one day. I think every woman has that desire deep down, if she’s truly honest with herself. But I looked at it as a lesser thing than many other careers. This was no fault of my family, and definitely not the example of my mother, who has never done anything but fully embrace her calling as a wife and a mother. She is truly a woman of God.
But the feministic way of thinking had entered my mind, and I responded to that. I think the Christian Church today doesn’t speak enough about the calling of Mommyhood, and doesn’t encourage enough those mothers that are able to stay at home with their kids, whether fulltime or part-time as they’re able. Sometimes I’m still made to feel that “Oh, you’re just at home, then?” Whatever that means. “Just at home” certainly has more multi-tasking skills necessary for survival and thriving than perhaps any other job outside the home! And as God leads and blesses, what could be more important a job than caring for individual people, little people with souls that will one day face God Almighty. I think every mother deserves the Noble Peace Prize! And is a Super Mom!
In saying all this I in no way degrade those whom God has called to be single or childless… The calling of God is not a matter of importance or levels of privilege – but the blessing lies in responding to whatever His calling may be for each of us in particular.
But I wanted dreams fulfilled first and adventure before all that. So when God introduced the thought of marriage and asked me if I’d be willing to give up my dreams for the future and be willing to accept His dreams, I struggled. It wasn’t an easy thing for me. But I surrendered, and honestly, some days I still surrender the same thing back to God. Sometimes a career away does look more glamorous, but as fulfilled as I am in my calling as a mother, I know I couldn’t abandon this to go back to my old dreams. Some of those dreams are still alive, but may not be fulfilled in this life. No, I don’t believe in reincarnation, but Randy Alcorn’s Heaven stirred my thinking in that sometimes, maybe more often than we realize, dreams are given by God to be fulfilled in Heaven. Really got me excited about Heaven in a new way!
But after my surrender and God working in my heart, I determined in my heart that when God leads me to marriage and a family, my career would then to be care for my family. And I throw my whole heart and soul into that. I’m thankful we are able to make it on one income, and I can stay at home with my baby full-time. I know not everyone has that opportunity… When I became a mother I determined in my heart that my God would be first, my husband second, my children next. And all housework, even friendship, cooking, excursions, cleaning, xanga, emailing, etc. etc. came after those Three. I don’t ever want less important things to come before my children, and my family. And already with one child I have to guard against that - I can easily become frustrated if I am trying to clean my house (or catch up on xanga/emailing, or —you name the task) and Baby isn’t happy. It feels like I can’t get anything done some days! But to simply realize my house isn’t going to stay clean forever anyway even if it does get cleaned today… Or more importantly, my baby will never be this age again. So why not pick up grouchy Baby, shower her with kisses, and give her a bath in the middle of the day? Baths can cure almost anything at her age…
So interesting too… I picked up a celeb magazine one day [not something I do much at all] because I saw Jennifer Lopez gave birth to twins recently, and I wanted to read her take on the whole mommy thing. Of course there were pictures of the most gorgeous, amazing nursery and the two $2000 each baby “strollers” [the really old-fashioned, now new kind], and all kinds of other things to make your eyes pop. But I was fascinated, because even from a secular standpoint, when asked how she feels about having children and being a mommy, J Lo replied that this is the most wonderful thing that she’s ever done. Better than any movie she’s ever played in, any awards she’s ever received. Being a mommy tops it all. Pretty cool, I thought! But shows how true God’s word is, and how the desires He’s placed within us hold true…
So on Mother’s Day in particular, and the rest of the year, I honor the Lord as the Creator of Life and as the Designer of Womanhood, Motherhood. He knows the Perfect Role for which we/I were/was created, and nothing short of that, and nothing less than accepting/embracing that role, whatever it may mean for each one of us, will bring true fulfillment. For me it means being a mommy, and because I am called to this, nothing else will bring me the fulfillment God desires for me to have if I don’t embrace this calling.
I pray that God would continue to reveal to my heart more of how He views me as a mother. That He would make me truly secure in where I am, that my heart would be truly satisfied in Him, and as a wife and a mother. May my mind continually be transformed into His way of thinking about Life and being a wife and a mother, and not be influenced or swayed by the world’s way of thinking, or by the feministic movement that pervades society and even church at times. I want to be truly content in His calling for me, to provide a haven for my family, a ‘throne’ for my husband to return to at the end of a long day at work. Loving to give even simple pleasures to my family, like a Cheesecake Strawberry Smoothie with Chocolate Drizzle… And loving to create a place of beauty in our home for my family to want to return to.
I also highly recommend the book Passionate Housewives Desperate for God. I always think “Desperate Housewives” at first, but it’s not. A terrific book that addresses the issues of feminism and femininity. One of the authors is a former feminist, and offers a very interesting perspective on the issue…
So – here’s to women and mothers! Whether we are one or both, may we embrace our calling as Givers of Life to the people around us! And by the Grace of God, live faithfully to His calling…
And Happy Mother’s Day to all my mommy friends out there!